[Program Review] 10 years of doing whatever the hell I want and trying really hard (and other musings) (EXTREMELY LONG)

First of all, I would like to thank u / ZBGBs for agreeing to this idea and for allowing me to recall the required amount of narcissism to write an article of this size.
** BACKGROUND AND OBJECTIVES: ** 5'7, 29, 208 lbs a day that I'm not filled with shit. I come from Hardy's stock of Eastern Europe and the Mediterranean, but my whole life thought I had a short end to the stick of genetics, so, amazingly, heredity started to improve alongside my lifts. When I was a kid, I played karate about five years ago, which I didn't do much for my ability to fight by hand but I certainly gave me a base of flexibility and motor intelligence, as well as tennis during the summer, which gave me a rapidly lost cardiovascular base Between the ages of 16-19 because the only thing I played in those years was RuneScape.
I started to raise seriously at the age of nineteen because my back was hurting me and because I wanted to be sexier, and I kept lifting despite exceeding my aesthetic goals. My goals changed when I advanced as a person and as an assistant, but they were, with some similarity in the system, as follows: to be sexy, not to feel back pain, or to be stronger, bigger, bigger, or more as big and strong as possible, to break the numbers Standard, to be healthier, to be exciting again, to be happier, to be more rational, to be wiser, to enjoy the experience, pass the torch.
** Before – After: ** All weights are in lbs. Initial weights are estimates. They happened a long time ago and many things happened to my body and brain during these ten years to remember everything correctly.
Body weight: 130 —–> 208, with a peak of about 232 in the fourth year and 190 pelvis in the fifth.
Squat: 135 —–> 615
Seat: 95 —–> 430 TnG, 415 paused
Deadlift: 185 —–> 715
Front squat: 105 —–> 505
The Press: 95 —–> 290
Body fat%: ~ 8% —–> ~ 12%, with a peak of about 30%.
Calories: 2000 —–> 3500, with a peak of about 6000.
Aesthetics: I have gone from being a skinny child who is completely shredded to a fairly mildly shredded young man, to an influential aesthetic of fat, puffy, to very concave, to being very kissing and relatively slender. Also, I improved my hairstyle in the eighth year of lifting, which improved me from 4/10 to 6 more solid than anything else.
Annual income: fluctuates between $ 0 and $ 25,000, and now a little closer to something decent and I am preparing to enter my career. For six of these ten years, I was in school.
** Program: ** My principle for this past decade was the idea that the gym is where I go to pass my ass and break my balls if it doesn't work. Fear of failure, weakness, smallness and incompetence led me to a much harder taste of success, as I have shown in my training. I never followed a "program", except for 5/3/1 for about a month in my first year, which I found very boring and non-stimulating, and ruled for about 3 months in my fourth year, which I did not understand enough to hire properly, so I was I always come back to "do what you want, but really try to hate it and try to do something every time you are."
I have trained anywhere from 2-7 days a week. I have disgusted 7 days a week, I run Smolov to the back and front squat, pressed 3 times a week for 15 heavy work groups under time control, and deadlifted anywhere from once every 2-3 weeks to 3-4 times a week, I did Upper back work from 1 to 5 times a week, the scale less than once a month to 3 times a week. I've done conditioning from never to every training session. I worked in a physical job beside my lift, and I did no physical activity other than walking to the kitchen and bathroom. I specifically trained for weight lifting, strong man, bodybuilding, and I learned and took all these disciplines.
As I get older, I would say I started training smarter, but I won't lie to you. I couldn't train with anything other than intensity. I squat> 85 or 90% every single week, usually most of the time. I pull over 600 every single week. I just get bored of doing light weight for me. This does not mean that I do not reduce my intensity sometimes and cause the volume to increase. I do, but it only takes two months at most before I go back to the weight lifting that scares me. My "programming" was the complete lack of programming. I would like to think that I am an example of what happens when you try hard, prioritize lifting over most things (often as I describe later), eating for performance, and taking appropriate supplements. I think most anything will work if you really work, but you have to be a little incoherent with your training to get there.
I was deleted only because of necessity, whether it was because of injury, an upcoming meeting, or when my body was not physically able to handle what I asked for. During load periods, I was worried and dreamed of the weights I wanted to lift.
All my life I have trained in hardcore gyms. For several years, I literally had a squat rack and a bar in my bedroom. I stopped using a belt about six years ago because I overtook me and couldn't afford a new one. One thing remained constant. Not a day went by and I didn't think about the weights I would lift and I felt the fear and excitement I promised.
** Diet, sleep, and recovery: ** My diet was variable and based on my goals. When I was bulking, which I used for almost a third to half of my career, I did what I needed to do to get calories in. This involves using psychological strategies to relieve a sense of fullness, using Pavlovian stimuli to relate unrelated stimuli to increased hunger, and learning about stoicism to improve tolerance for the suffering I was putting myself to mass. In general, I was aiming for body weight in protein + 50 grams (so when I weigh 160, I would film 210 g protein a day). For the first year or so, I tracked everything I ate, and then, I managed to predict the reliability of eating it by weighing myself several times a day.
Sleep was often a problem. I have dealt with varying degrees of insomnia since I was 16 years old. Sometimes, you need many medications to sleep, plus a different medication when you woke up at midnight. My sleep disorders were intimately linked to anything else that was happening in my life at the time. Overall, my sleep quality wasn't great, but I managed to get 7-9 hours most nights, usually with the help of medications.
In terms of recovery, there are some topics to be discussed. Diet and sleep, of course, were the basic factors that I tried to maintain constant. I used to roll the sponge and stretch a lot more than I do now, but I didn't do that much because I don't find that I usually get narrower. I do a minimum of "commuting work", maybe less than 3 minutes a day, where I've always been mobile and flexible from karate.
When I was 24, I started using PEDs. I conducted a few test cycles, which helped me to re-track from 232 to 30% or higher to about 205 at 16-18%, and then came out until I was 26 years old. For two years in a row. My elevators have steadily increased, my muscles have increased, and my health and mind have suffered. At the height of that I was about 215 at 10% or less. But, like anything strong, it has effects on the entire body, potentially toxic, I could not continue to do so indefinitely. In late 2018, I had to go down for physical and mental health reasons, and since then I've been treating testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I am very likely to be on a TRT journey for the rest of my life because of damage to the endocrine system. I have tasted what it was like to be more human than I was, and I have the ability to be truly beyond my natural abilities and to reap the rewards that have turned into heads. These memories tempt me every day, and not going back to what I was doing is a daily decision.
The best elevators that I wrote above were made either at the permablast end or during this long phase of the TRT. I feel that there is still progress to be made in all elevators, even without heavy chemical assistance. I am still learning the method, adjusting my form, changing the elevator, and fixing the weaknesses. Above all, I train hard. I will not work in the sugar industry, it has given me an advantage that I still carry, but I paid the price and I will probably continue to do so, because I do not know whether this debt can be paid in full.
I had one big injury during my career, which was a herniated L2 disc that I got in September 2017 while raising the 635 × 4 passenger as I was warned would give me such an injury. I chose to ignore these warnings so I can no longer. I tried to take it easy, but I couldn't. I healed on the disc a few weeks later, and at this stage I did the necessary physical therapy, retreated from the weights, and did a lot of elevators. Within 3 months, I could squat over 500 and stand in over 600 again. I'm sure the chemical improvement helped me. Since then, I have been more careful in protecting myself from injury and taking shape more seriously.
** What I liked: ** I like the feeling of anxiety away from me and I am the hardest harshest group of the day. I love to know that I have come a long way by using my way, and I would love to know that my training will take me further. I like the fact that I am a literally different person because of all this – for better or worse – but I had the ability to make this radical change in myself.
I enjoy the appearances I get on the street, and I enjoy the fact that I have proof of this quest everywhere I go. I reap the benefits of confidence that facing the weight of your fear will kill you and stay on you. I like to know that I am strong, that I have not always been this way, and that my strength is universally useful. I enjoy knowing I got this far without help or anyone watching me or telling me what to do or how to train.
I enjoyed the time when a retired professional wrestler spotted me on a 225-seat bench, a weight that I failed several times, and told me that "he controls weight. Don't let weight control you." I still remember getting weight to double.
I've met best friends, brothers and lovers in gyms and have dealt with them not only on the iron but on the personality traits that led us to the same place until we intersected. I felt a deep sense of belonging to gyms, because they are stripped from the outside and reveal the fundamental nature of those who allow this process to change.
I don't think I could have learned a lot about my strengths, mistakes, and shortcomings if I hadn't been harsh. No personality test can tell you such things as an iron can. With the ideas I have gained, I feel ready to become supposed to be.
** What I did not like: ** I will not tell you that I enjoyed this process. It had many wonderful moments, but more often than not, it was hell. Lifting weights completely dominated my life for a decade and stopped my personal growth. There was a period in my life, which lasted several years, in which I only did enough work to survive, bombed weights and wrote fiction all my free time. I could begin to pursue my career and live my dreams much smaller, but I suppressed them for this endeavor. So, for all that I'm saying here, I accept full responsibility.
I didn't enjoy sitting at my desk, sweating on the shirt after another, distracting me with anything I could find on bodybuilding.com, trying not to vomit, and forcing myself to eat more, night after night, and to step on the next scale the morning and see " 130 "on it. I did not enjoy the anxiety attacks that gave me the idea of ​​not eating enough and small food. I'm not happy with the fact that I worked my way to a physical deformity disorder, which I had to take care of during a really difficult period in my life. I didn't enjoy dragging around a gallon jug of milk, stealing food from the university cafeteria, and eating in the back of the lecture hall. I did not enjoy the fact that after several months at 6000 calories a day, all the food became tasteless and disgusting, and it took me years to enjoy eating again.
I didn't like to bend in half, unable to breathe, thinking I would die when I had Tren's cough. I did not enjoy the sweaty nights, nights, nightmares, extreme anxiety, short detonators and distorted ideas produced by the various vehicles I consumed in myself. I could have done without permanent bloody work and the simple panic attacks I would have faced before opening my results. I wish I had made a different decision on the days when I felt myself a craftsman losing my mind from training, but I chose to continue because I was so close to the goal. I didn't enjoy the reactions at the injection site, the bangs, or the paranoia I felt every time I felt pieces of hair in the shower. I don't enjoy my rituals twice a week which is likely to last for the rest of my life as I manage for myself the testosterone that I can no longer make on my own, and resist the urge to pull out just a little more oil in the syringe.
But God damn, at least I got this PR!
I didn't enjoy going home from partying at nine years old so I could eat and sleep. I did not enjoy the rejection of women because I was very focused on my training. I did not enjoy lost meetings, family time, time with other important people and time with myself because I have to train or prepare for training.
I don't regret anything, but if I can do it again, I don't think I will. Being a lifter consumed me. I could have been happier, healthier and more successful if I learned to treat training as one of the many things I was interested in, rather than my profile, because by adopting the identity of the Savior above all, I excluded many other identities that would have been good for me and closed Many doors that I should have kept open.
** Final thoughts: ** I had a lot to say, I said a lot. Being an elevator, training and development for this area of ​​my life became my first priority in ten years. It has been the only constant element of my life. However, I'm just a protoplasm compared to the greats. At the end of the day, I know I'm not something, and these achievements, although they mean a lot to me because they have been my experience, lackluster compared to the achievements of many of the most talented natural pioneers, many of whom are probably approached lift with a much healthier look and maintain Their lives are in balance. I, after all, n = 1, and my story is not a story of lifting, but about the lifter, mathematical rat, steadfast heart found for a decade some peace with iron.
I mentioned before, passing, the desire to pass the torch. As it is, the flame that I want to pass is tightly attached to my hand, and the only way I see it disintegrating is to rupture me with an injury or a catastrophic disease, or if some changing perception of life weakens the fork of the fork of the hand. I have tried to move away from Rafe's identity several times without success and have always returned to training, although over the years I have been able to develop other interests, I have finished my undergraduate and graduate studies, and have found a little more balance. The rust may gradually burst and fall, or perhaps slowly loosen the death grip on the flame. In the current situation, I was very lucky to help ignite others' torches with me, and I hope to continue the privilege of doing so. But it is also my responsibility, knowing what I know now, to help those who want to get this torch to understand what it means to do it and carry it in a way that sheds light on their lives rather than on their hands. .
I'd like to finish some anecdote. I was having lunch when a colleague asked me how I got weight lifting.
I said, "Well, my back hurt, I wanted to be stronger, and I heard that weight lifting can help me in these two things."
"So is your back better now?" She asked.
I said, "No, my back still hurts, but I am at least surprised by the shocks."
Thank you for reading my novel, I hope you've got something from them.
** TL; DR: ** Weightlifting with no program for 10 years, worked hard at it, adopted the lifter identity to exclude all others, completely changed everything about me for better or worse to be good at lifting, slowly came to know that there is more In life and happiness of this.


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